Can Social Advisory be your relationship saviour ?
The tenure of any relationship doesn’t reflect it’s strength — a building which is built ages ago and standing on a weak foundation can be very harmful to the people living inside. When it collapses, it is not the debris which matters, it’s all about lives — how many people died underneath. I think, we treat our marriages so sacramental that even if it suffocates, even when the cracks are visible or the foundation of trust and respect is missing — we keep applying patches to it. Patch might make crack less visible, however, it’s still there. The societal pressure or just to maintain the so-called status symbol of “being married" might temporarily reinforced the foundation today, however, it’s still unsafe, it still has potential to kill or torn apart the people around it.
We all make choices, majority are wrong and we don’t care of being judged by others on some of our boldest decisions in life. However, if the marriage is not working as per the design by the religious pandits, we as a society judge the defaulters who want to break free from the institution. We believe marriages are made in heaven and are sacramental. By seeking divorce, we are doing big injustice to society. Sound stupid, right ? Isn’t this the modus of operandi? Isn’t this what make this institution so hollow and immature that it can’t decide it’s own fate and live on mercy and verdict of others who don’t have part to play in our life.
Religious watchdogs have accepted virgin Mary as mother of Jesus, Raslila as a legit play and 3 women as wives — however, if two people have tried living and accepting each others for years, still feel they can’t stay together because of personality clashes, lack of trust or whatever reasons — are judged and character assassinated by the same set of religious and societal custodians. How fake is this ?
If everything has an expiration date, why not relationships? Why to carry those if it feels like carrying a dead weight. Why is there so much pain, anger, emotions and tears on display? It is a personal decision between the two, why does it have to go through an opinion pool and expert judgements? Why does it become a blame game and end up into something so corrosive and immature? The moment you talk about divorce — the options on opinion poll start ranging from a) suicide b) dowry c) domestic violence d) character assassination e) kill’em all and take revenge — honour killing.
Someone told me that only healthy mind can take a divorce. Earlier, I didn’t understand it and now I can completely relate to the statement. Divorce is not an easy choice, it’s not easy because of the way we are raised in this part of the world, because marriages are sacramental and not contract, we marry to satisfy religious belief of finding a soul mate — we typically ignore finding a companion.
A companion, who we can trust, we can lean on, we can laugh with and cry without the fear of being judged. The companion who completes us despite all the flaws and gaps, who understands, who accepts you as a person for who you are and not whom you can be.
I can never be the person someone wants me to be as I have my flaws and that makes me unique and beautiful. I can’t be me in someone else soul. Neither can anyone be what I imagine them to be in my head. If we have to deal with such an ambiguity, why don’t we make it little simple. Two people tried to find a companion and they couldn’t — so what’s a big deal, let them move on. Let them stay happy and let them move in their pursuit for happiness.
Kids are the biggest reason which gets cited by these expert pandits who run free marriage counseling advisories. Kids are the one who eventually suffers the most if we don’t take them out of this toxic or falling buildings. They are in the world because of you and they are the one who needs to be protected — not by making them stay in a falling building but letting them move to a safer and a mature shelter.
Let the building collapse, clear the debris and own the kids with joint responsibility, act mature and be a shock absorber for them rather than putting them under the constant shock.
It’s okay if the building collapse as long as there are no causalities. It’s one life so no point of faking something you don’t believe — fake orgasam never satisfy anyone. Both know, it’s fake and no one enjoy such sex.
