Answering questions such as what did I had for dinner on Wednesday night of last week sounds very tough. However, in relationship, what others have done bad to you 16–20 years ago have full recall value. Our memory doesn’t age, we don’t store relationship bad experiences in transient memory space, however, these experiences get stored in our long term memory and controls all our present and future interactions with human beings. We quote past too much that our present or future becomes suffocated and miserable. We humans are generally tolerant and if we go by economic principles we should have very short memory.
Do we remember the scams the politicians have done couple of years ago? The news which were the talk of the town now gather dust and no one bothers to discuss them with any zeal.
However, if things are centered around relationships, our energy level, our enthusiasm and our spirit to prove someone wrong even after couple of decades never fades. We were passionate couple of years ago and now (years after) we are even more passionate to prove the point which we have been proven in the past.
Past haunts, bleed and kills the present and the future. No escape, whatsoever. Daily verdicts, however, judgment ane punishment never ends. Story continues !
There are few who like your “old Avatar". They keep comparing you with what you were in the past. Your comparison with your own self becomes your biggest fear and enemy. You were “that person" maybe 6 years back, you might be a totally different person now. You changed, you changed sometime with time, sometime due to circumstances, and maybe have changed because of your own concious or believe system. You believe that you have changed, the relationship and your past haunts you — constant comparison with your own self constantly pulls you down. The fight between who you were vs who you are - kills you.
You can’t win as the fight is between someone perception and today’s reality. You can only struggle. It’s like a power game between New you and Old you.
For others, “the New you" is good, however, the “old you" is unforgivable and unforgettable. Your old you always overpower your new you. You changed for relationship, however, the dent is permanent. It never gets fixed. In this case you are in constant conflict again in proving that you have changed, maybe for better, maybe to make things better, maybe because you realised that what you were in the past needs to be changed.
My dear, the change or new you is what you believe is a reality, maybe the others are still seeing you as the thing of past.
Past is past may be your view, others might believe past is truth and is a fact or reflection about who you were and are. Both might be right or wrong. It’s a pure judgment call. It’s not about your choice, it’s about the perception the other is carrying about you. Reality becomes your story and perception becomes your reality. You can’t win the battle between reality and perception.
Perceptions are build over one’s past interaction or behaviour. Since you have changed — you shouldn’t expect others to break the mental model and see you in a way you want to be looked.
You have done it and now you have to face it. You will have to fight a battle between your old self and new you. Life continues!
I didn’t cover the third choice, which is do nothing or don’t change. It sounds like good option, however, sometime it is very tough to come out of your own value system. You want to sleep, you want to sleep without having a fear in your dreams, you want to sleep without telling lies, you want to sleep without worrying about the consequences. For you to have that sleep, you have to get into conflict internally. Willingly you might want to see the ashes of old you for new you, even knowing things won’t be better. Being selfish, you might still do it for the sleep you have been deprived for years.
Past haunts, bleed and kills the present and the future.
